I have spent 18 years trying to accept every flaw, every trait, every feeling, and every situation that I have encountered. Throughout these years I have learned that some things are significantly easier to accept than others. For example, it only took me a few weeks to accept that I’m not a straight A student, but it took me 17 years to accept my struggle with mental illness.
The latest thing that I have come to accept is that I’m bisexual. And honestly I haven’t accepted it 100% yet because it still takes a strain for me to say it out loud. With that being said, in honor of pride month, I felt as though this was as good a time as any to tell all of you that I’m bisexual because I’m tired of hiding it! (PSA that doesn’t mean I’m going to flaunt it because I’m still the same shy, introverted little CJ that I always have been 🙂 )
There are a lot of stigmas around being bisexual and (at least for me) none of them are true. Being bisexual doesn’t mean that I’m trying to be greedy and date the entire world. It doesn’t mean that I am going to stare at every single human ever when someone is changing in front of me. It doesn’t mean that I’m open to dating any guy or any girl that I see. It doesn’t mean that I’m attracted to every guy and every girl on the planet. It doesn’t mean I’m attracted to guys and girls equally. It simply means that I’m attracted to both guys and girls. And personally, I find myself a little more attracted to girls than to guys, and that very well may change over the course of my life, and that is completely ok.
This little blog post is another (kinda big) step in my journey of acceptance. I have a long way to go. There are so many more things I will one day need to accept. I’m in a place right now where for the first time in my whole life I don’t know what to expect! I don’t know what’s going to happen at college next year. I don’t know who I’m going to make friends with. I don’t know who is going to be in my classes or what classes I’m going to be taking. I have an incredibly unpredictable road ahead of me. But for now, I’m happy with how far I’ve come on my acceptance quest. I’ve learned to go with the flow and relax and smile because the things that I may be struggling to accept about myself, most of the time, the incredible people I have surrounded myself with have already accepted those things about me.
Life isn’t perfect. It doesn’t go exactly how you want it to go. It has a funny way of creating struggles for you that one day you will realize have changed your life. I didn’t sit around and choose to be bisexual. For a while, I thought it was another struggle that had been thrown at me that I had to figure out how to overcome and get rid of. I’ve learned now that my sexuality is not a struggle, it’s simply just the way I am. And that is totally ok. It’s more than ok, it’s good, it’s great, it’s real, it’s ME!